Not putting up the video, enough is enough!
Wow, after 24 hours of this nonsense, where do we begin to note how fairly much everyone, EVERYONE, has screwed this up and made domestic violence still muddled, and dealing with it first about convenience, not right/wrong!
Let’s list the wrongdoers in this, in no particular order:
1. Ray Rice: Zero tolerance for abuse, either as offender or victim. Remorse by the offender has to be so overt and prevalent, no one could ever say he/she is being insincere or inconsistent the rest of his/her life hereon. But, as an extension, where were his mother and father in raising him to NEVER hit a woman, unless in self defense. Forget his peers, they show nothing less than inconsistency and cluelessness overall as a profession. (and note that offenders are also women, I have seen it first hand in my travels)
2. Janay Rice: Marry him just after a couple months from the incident? Sorry, rule number 1, offenders are likely to reoffend unless they are consistently remorseful and that takes time to reveal, not measured in a couple of months. What is the mixed message to not only her daughter, but Janays’ family, friends, and the domestic violence victim community she and Ray allegedly are now supporting?
3. The NFL: Goodell and company are idiots. 2 game suspension? And then abruptly suspend indefinitely after the video comes out following week 1 of the season? Wow, gotta love double jeopardy, and remember that term down the list here. People think the Commissioner is going to lose his job over this? This is the NFL folks, even Obama has less power in this country as compared to this league!
4. The Ravens: now remember, I am a Ravens fan, so this is a bit personal for me, but, I am more a fan of society and common sense first, so, John Harbaugh who is coach, Steve Bisciotti the owner, Ozzie Newsome the Director of Personnel, and the players, well, let’s assume you all saw this video yesterday for the first time. This is going to make every one say “wow, this guy Rice is bad news, let’s dump him now!” Umm, what do you think happened that had Rice in a NJ courtroom facing assault charges back in May? He pushed her, just slapped her in the face? We all saw the outside elevator video back in Feb showing him drag her out unconscious. Something BAD happened inside that elevator, get a clue! This is nothing else but damage control solely by the Ravens. Glad they lost Sunday, moreso to Flacco and his idiocy, but, karma is a bitch, eh, Ravens Nation! And I am a fan, but, won’t support poor judgment. Winning ain’t everything here!
5. TMZ: who the hell is this organization releasing a video of this magnitude!? Even if the property rights to release without permission expired, wonder if the judge for the case in NJ may have something to say about the unauthorized release as the case is NOT closed, as I hear now. And, the Net in general, what is this now, privacy is now irrelevant in society? Let me remind humans in civilized cultures, privacy exists to a sizeable degree if you don’t want something aired to the public, unless you wave it by putting it out in the first place by picture, video, post, or comments to the media. I hope TMZ gets burned big time for this, there has to be a message for accountability!
6. New Jersey Court: Umm, they saw this video, count on it. Another judge who thinks that wives are property, or first offenses are a generic matter, forget the specifics to an incident. Sometimes once is too much, and the degree of violence needs a degree of consequences. No jail time for an assault of this magnitude? Leads to the last one accountable for this mess now…
7. The public and their pathetic media sources: Back to #1 per Ray, zero tolerance for abuse. I have been practicing for over 20 years and see domestic violence and personal assault issues my entire career, and frankly, the lame denials, rationalizations, minimizing and deflecting by others, and sheer ugly projecting at times by the abuser, it all sucks to hear and have to reflect back as absurd and wrong. What bothers me about this incident yesterday are such:
a. employers now can fire someone for DV/assault, after the courts ruled and the defendant has accepted his/her sentence and is following it without violation? Sometimes that is true, but sometimes it may not. And where is the line for consequences at work drawn, as we are a culture of precedence.
b. violence may have some shades, but there is a basic black or white here, assault is assault when charged and defined, yet, people still find justification at times, and families sometimes are just so lame in claiming their matters behind closed doors are no one else’s business. Here’s a fact I have learned in my travels: when people hit family and the police, fairly much everyone else is fair game to be attacked. Count on it.
c. the media has made this so ugly, forget TMZ above for a second. Who needs to see this video again after 6PM yesterday? Bet you will see it all week. Ratings=viewers=money=more poor judgment by TV/paper/Internet. And back to society, you all watch it to validate the media keep showing it!
d. supporters of double jeopardy: the system played this out, and the video was known prior to yesterday, so, why are we again prosecuting and punishing Ray AND his wife? And, as I have said earlier, what will happen now, has a precedent been set we can retry people because the original punishment was not satisfactory to the pubic? Also, what will this do to motivate people to change their violent ways if they see they can be attacked back without just cause? But, can I get people as a whole to think and change? Haven’t had a great batting average as a psychiatrist over 20 years now!
(note this is what Janay Rice wrote earlier today as a rebuttal to yesterday’s legitimate circus:
“I woke up this morning feeling like I had a horrible nightmare, feeling like I’m mourning the death of my closest friend,” Janay Rice wrote. “But to have to accept the fact that it’s reality is a nightmare in itself. No one knows the pain that [the] media & unwanted options from the public has caused my family. To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret every day is a horrible thing. To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his ass of for all his life just to gain ratings is horrific. THIS IS OUR LIFE! What don’t you all get. If your intentions were to hurt us, embarrass us, make us feel alone, take all happiness away, you’ve succeeded on so many levels. Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is! Ravensnation we love you!” )
Note the one group I will NOT mention are the victims of domestic violence who have taken a stand, drawn a line, and note some validation to my chorus of “Zero Tolerance For Abuse, Period!” They deserve better, and I leave you with this to make sure those who are attentive, responsible, supportive, and insightful remember:
PAY ATTENTION TO THOSE WHO DEFEND AND APOLOGIZE FOR ABUSERS AND ASSAILANTS OF VIOLENCE. EVEN IF THESE FOLKS ARE NOT VIOLENT THEMSELVES, THOSE WHO DEFEND AND APOLOGIZE FOR SUCH INCIDENTS ARE AT LEAST WILLFULLY IGNORANT, MORESO EASILY MANIPULATED, AND WORST CLOSET OFFENDERS THEMSELVES.
Evil seems to flourish these days, and we have ourselves to blame.
addendum: nice column overall, read and digest:
“Knowing this, we should be thinking carefully about what kind of public pressure we want to advocate. In dropping Rice, the Ravens and the NFL have opted for an ostracize-and-isolate model (only after a conspire-to-minimize-and-conceal attempt didn’t work). Overnight, the league ensured that Rice would be persona non grata in the NFL, going as far as to pull his jerseys from their online store. Other retailers quickly followed suit and a local Baltimore pizza shop went as far as launching a Ray Rice jerseyexchange program: free pizza and a $2.70 donation to the House of Ruth for every jersey dropped off. None of this should help us rest easier.
Making an example of someone is far different than setting an example for him.”
Gee, sounds like common sense, that must have been punched out somewhere between Rice’s arrest and his courtroom appearance…
addendum #2: and this one from Kurtz at Fox News:
“Now for Rice’s enablers. We knew what Rice had done. We saw the woman’s limp body. He had apologized. The team also trotted out Palmer at a news conference, where she apologized (for what? Somehow instigating her own beating?). Yet here’s what Ravens Coach John Harbaugh had to say earlier:
“I stand behind Ray. He’s a heck of a guy. He’s done everything right since. He makes a mistake, all right?”
Geez. A mistake? Failing to pick up the blitz on third and one is a mistake. Not knocking your girlfriend senseless.
Watching Harbaugh duck questions at a news conference last night, and uttering such inanities as “I’m excited about our offense,” was a new low in tone-deafness.
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell had this to say earlier:
“You know, you have a lot of people voicing their opinions, but I think it’s important to understand that this is a young man who made a terrible mistake. [Rice's actions are] inconsistent with what we’re all about, and we’ve dealt with it in a serious manner, and we’re very confident that this young man understands where he is and what he needs to do going forward.”
In other words, domestic violence just isn’t that important to the National Football League, unless we see the assault on camera.”
However, I do not agree with the author’s opinion about TMZ…
addendum #3 (and last for now Sept 9):
CNN story, I think it does a nice job showing the pros and cons to the role that Janay had during and after the incident:
“However, The Associated Press reported Tuesday that the news organization has viewed a longer, “higher-quality” video with audio given to it by an anonymous source that shows the couple yelling obscenities at each other in the elevator.
In the video AP viewed, she spits on him, and he punches her, the story said.
“Rice made no attempt to cover up the incident,” the AP reported.”
NOT saying she deserved to be knocked out, but, you don’t spit on people either. And note I was aware of the incident a few days after it happened, so how much was being withheld, well, I don’t know…
Good thing courts only have a jury of 12, but, where do you house a mob to rule on a public execution anyway these days? Oh yeah, it’s called the Internet!
Addendum Friday Sept 12: I can’t believe that Sports Illustrated made the video shot the cover this week, and then just had a 3 page story about it in the front section, part of their Scorecard section to be exact.
After the last 3 days, I stand fully behind what I wrote above on Tuesday. The dishonest and disingenuous dialogue by so many is pathetic, ignorant, and plain scapegoating BS. Ray Rice is not the only man to have made a poor judgment to engage in domestic violence, and certainly not the worst example of an incident I have witnessed or been a third party participant in recounting of issues, but, the way the media and the extremist activists are shrieking, now they are attacking fans who wore Rice’s jersey last night at the game?!
I like what Peter Schmuck, a Baltimore Sun sports reported and guest on the lame C4 show on WBAL 1090 here in Baltimore said on that show today, if Roger Goodell really wanted to make amends for his boneheaded handling of the matter over the summer and comments earlier this week, yes, he should donate most if not all of his salary this year, a paltry 44 MILLION dollars, to domestic violence education and programs, and show a sincere and genuine interest to help the public and show the NFL is wanting to be seen as a support to ending/controlling the issue.
But, that ain’t gonna happen, we all know that. People in positions of power and influence aren’t interested in real change and helping society. If they did, we would not be in the predicaments at hand in so many areas of this culture. Obama’s speech Wednesday night shows why we have him as our President, because there is too sizeable a voting block and partisan interests who will defend, apologize, and blatantly lie to make sure his agenda stays in place.
Same with the NFL. They know that violent players are part of the game, and as long as the gladiator attendance at the stadiums and TVs across the country continue to scream praise and worship for these players, that is where the money is and to be sought. I don’t fault fans for wearing Rice’s jersey, it might play better if they alter the number or name to show some respect they aren’t wearing it as validating Rice solely, but, come on, any one who wears it “You read that right, many Ravens fans, including many female fans, celebrated Ray Rice by wearing his jersey to the game.
The team offered to accept Ray Rice jerseys in trade at their team stores, and many other Baltimore businesses offered products in trade for turning them in. Still, some fans weren’t interested.
Racquel Bailey, a 23-year-old waitress, told the local Fox station, “There’s two sides to every story. I saw the video. That’s their personal business, and it shouldn’t have affected his career. I don’t agree with domestic violence, but she’s still with him, so obviously it wasn’t that big of a deal. Everyone should just drop it.”
If stupidity were an Olympic event we’d have a medalist right there.”
Another example of why extremists and zealots are only f—-g up America, not finding ways to improve it. Here is the lame link for the above garbage comment:
I want to finish this post asking readers simply this: what are you as observers or direct/indirect participants of ongoing domestic violence in your homes, communities, cities going to do now, that you’ve seen a video? Going to keep whipping on Ray Rice, or, take a stand on the perpetrators you know of close at hand? My money is Rice will be the sole victim now, and wait for it, there will be future abusers who will say one of two things from the crap of this week: “I’ll make sure no one can capture my abuse on any media recording”, or, “why should I make an effort to change my ways when I will be retried and convicted over and over for my past poor choices, I am always going to be labeled evil for my past.”
That is the lesson I learned this week, thank you NFL, Baltimore Ravens, media across the country, the public at large, and perpetrators and victims of domestic violence who won’t make efforts to accept the basic premise of
ZERO TOLERANCE FOR ABUSE/VIOLENCE, PERIOD!
Expect to keep seeing that video through the weekend, more games comin’!
Belated last addendum Sunday Sept 14: Didn’t want to add something else, but, this link was too good to ignore, after first reading it Friday night and again this AM, AM, I hope readers appreciate the point of view of the victim in DV:
Lots to read, this is one of the better paragraphs, to me at least:
“Instead of condemning her [Janay Rice] for loving a troubled man, let’s educate ourselves about the twisted psychology of abusive love, so that we can be there for her if she decides to leave. Firing Roger Goodell and blaming the NFL won’t do Janay Rice, or any other domestic violence victims, any good.
Rather, we should hold abusers — and no one else — responsible for the damage they inflict.”
And, zero tolerance for anyone being abusive or being abused. Done now.